Sorry is not the answer to forget but the start of forgiveness

I can't promise I won't be a fool again but I never had cruel intentions
Put me in detention as long as you want then you'll see....

There's a million words but its never enough, i say I love you and I am sorry but then I get stuck

I'm Sorry

A break for my Best friend

Well,

Over the past 3/4s of a year I have made some really great friends within my University but there is only one or two out of them that I know I can REALLY REALLY confide in. Unfortunately, I have never really recognised that telling these people everything wrong with my life could have an affect on theirs.... Over the last month, I have needed someone to confide in and this one person has been there through it all fo me but I have never taken a step back to think

'Hang on a second.... what is all of this doing to them??'

Last night I was told that someone cannot always necerssarily take on all of my woes and worries and fears for me and it made me realise how selfish I had become......

This blog is written for this person to give them a break from all of the S*** that I have placed on them over the last few months. and if they ever read it I hope that they can forgive me for all the crap I have put them through. 

I think the major problem for me right now is the fact that I don't know what I am doing with my life at the minute. I know what I want to be an SC and I want to finish uni and I want to do so many things right now BUT seem to be messing everything up in my aspirations to do it......

I seem to ruin every friendship I have and I recently have rushed into a relationship that I am not sure is what I really want.

I want to move out and I really don't know how to tell my parents

I am always tired and stressed atm and hate it

I feel that the way I am at the minute no one wants to be around me and that I I am just so sorry to anyone and everyone that I seem to have annoyed


SORRY SORRY SORRY

Hello Everybody!!!

Another post here now and Oh my is is long awaited!!

What can I say.... I was wrong, I Bloody love University now!! I have met some awesome people who I know I am going to remain great friends with for a very long time :) 

I have now gone through the application prrocess for Kent Special Constabulary and was successful up until the medical stage.... Hearing, sight and everything else like that was fine but typical me I let myself get to a stupidly massive weight so have had to lose nearly a stone and a half in weight... I have 5lbs to go and 2 weeks and 2 days to do it in to reach my set deadline. If I am successful then it will mean that I will hopefully get into the 4 week intensive training course in April which would mean, if I pass that, I could be onto the streets of Thanet by the summer.... I cannot wait :) :) :)

Although I have had a totally amazing time at University so far, and I would really reccommend it to anyone thinking about, It has been an insane emotional rollercoaster so far. I think the main thing is because I am growing up and am out virtually all the time either due to work, uni or socialising, my dad really seems down everytime I close the front door behind myself. I do feel bad about this but the problem is I am getting older and my parents do need to realise that I will not be around as much as I used to be, Hell I may even move out next year <---- :o I know insane right! 

Not to say I do not miss juust staying at home and chilling for the day cause I do and when I do go home I do not feel I can relax because of it but hey that's life huh? :s

 In more happier news, I finally went to a class at the gym for the first time in what.... 2 and a half years of being a member there. I tried out pump from the word of a great friend and I absolutely loved it!!! It was amazing and although I was a little disappointed with the fact that it didn't burn as many calories as I hoped, I am so going to do it again this friday : )

Ok then, well I spose I better go for now and actually listen to the lecturer we have now :p *yawn* monday morning lecture drains no matter how awake you are !!!!!

Uni Shaped Box

I have now completed 1 week of Universtity with a couple of other days on the side, unfortunately I do not think I am fitting in to what I am going to call the Uni shaped box. This Uni shaped box, is what I am calling the average persona of a student at University which someone who partys every night, gets drunk pretty much every night and doesn't actually do that much studying in the first year! I however, think the idea of being at Uni is to get a degree witht he fun on the side meaning not getting drunk all the time and partying all night, every night sooooooo..... I hope you can see where I am going with that :(

Well I have to say that I think with a bit of time I will come to greatly enjoy my time at Uni and the beginning of this week seems to be much better than last week :)

I do want to say that no matter how long I will be at Uni, the thing that will become apparent is that I will never forget my 6th form friends becasue they are the best thing that has ever happened to me :D

A new Chapter in life

Well today was results day and well, what can I say....UCAS breaks down so no one can see whether they have got into their choices or not. Typical Britain.....

I managed to achieve a B in Applied Science, C in History and General Studies and a D in Physical Education but with that I managed to get into University :D !

So now, whenever I start, I am off to CCCU to study Policing and Pre-service and am one step closer to becoming a true Police Officer !

The final Post

This will be the final post before I get m results so it kinda seems fit to, well, you know, talk about exams....These resuls will determine what I do for at least the next 3 years of my life so, it think its fair that I am allowed to be just a little nevous about them to be honest. The problem is that I go through 'worry' phases. This is where I panic and then an hour or so later I am fine then back to panicing....I kinda just wich I would decide to do one or another...Damn emotion swings :)

Basically, all I want to say is a MASSIVE good luck to all my friends and everyone else who took full A-levels this year!!!

Holy Crap!!! I went to Silverstone

OMG <--- I usually really hate that saying but I think it is apt for what I am about to talk about. I have been to Silverstone :) and despite the horrid weather the atmosphere was totally great throughout the whole weekend. I loved every minute of it and that is no lie. Even the camping was good although admittingly with flushing toliets and hot running showers, camping, I suppose is a loose word to use.

So the weekend began on Thursday really, the 7th, with the journey up to the circuit, it was ok actually not too bad traffic wise and we made good time. The only downside was the MASSIVE rainstorm that hit whilst we were on the Motor way. There is something quite scary when you are travelling 60mph (limit for a car on a motorway pulling a trailer tent) and all of a sudden, you cannot see a bloody thing!!

The tent took forever to be put up but once settled down, the rain came again. No worries.....


Friday was most definately the worst day for the weather, it was constantly raining with only the slightest of pauses in between but we managed to walk the whole outside of the circiut and sit in the neww pit straight complex, well opposite it anyway. We also sat at Luffield, Stowe, a brief sitiing in Village and in some of the standy up places.


Saturday, weather again patchy but with better sunny spells and this was obviously, qualifying day :) last practice sitting at becketts gave us the area to what we could look out for what was in store for Sunday as it lies dead opposite our appointed seats. Finally, for the Qualifying, we sat at Vale.


Sunday, and race day!!! Apart from the total down pour during the Red Arrows performace, it stayed completelty dry which actually led to a decent race. Unfortunately, the wrong person won but it was better than to see a repeat of previous races so I was happy. The after race party was awsome, decent music and of course the chain was played :) but the highlight was beign able to see the drivers, well some of them, for a casual interview.....TOTALLY AWSOME, Di Resta, Buemi and Algashuri, Button, Hamilton, Jackie Stewart. Damon Hill, Vettel, Webber and a few more!!!!!!!! After that we took to the TRACK, the actual track and you would never guess who was just leaving from their time on stage.... SEB VETTEL, I was an arms length away. Picked up some Pirelli Marbles and a little bit of broken track....Oh and some of the gravel trap :P


Altogether a Totally fantastic weekend and I would love to go again. The atmosphere was incredible and the noise of the F1 cars are unforgetable too...I miss it already :S

Nerves at an all time High

You know that feeling that you get right before an exam? Yeah thats the one, well today is my last exam and well, I have that feeling! The annoying thing is that the exam isn't until this afternoon so I now have to hang around while this feeling builds up and builds up until an uncontrolable panic attack sets in. I think I might be a little OTT there but I just hate afternoon exams. The only good thing that comes from them is that you can have that extra hour in bed, any more than an hour and you feel guilty. So, yeah, My last exam. It also happens to be my longest of 2hr30, which isn't the longest I know but i do not get the luxury of being able to go home and relax after this exam, no... I have to go to work. This can be a good thing though, it'll mean I will not be able to ponder over the exam whixh I would probably end up doing if I went home. This will only happen if we are busy so if your not busy this afternoon/this evening....pop down to WWX please!!!

All I shall say is that the feeling you get before you enter the exam....its a good thing, do not let it get you down. Nerves help you stay alert and awake which is only a good thing if you're entering a silent room for 2hr30 isn't it?

Roll on tonight

Happier times call for memory recall

Yesterday, I posted a rather sad and dull post and I promised that a nicer post was coming your way......well here it is. Read and enjoy!

There have been many times throughout my life that I will always remember for good reasons as they were happy times. For instance, last day of Sixth form was awsome for so many reasons. However, I would Like to start my memory recal further back in time, not as far as childhood dreaming, no, that would be ridiculous!

No I shall start in the last couple of years at secondary school. St. Georges never really was the best school but I never really cared when I was there. I had great times in that old falling down wreck of a school but it had character which the new build lacks tremendously by the way!!! No great times there came not only from its character but the people in it, well some of them any way. My friendship group was Awsome and there was nothing that would have gotten in the way of that. Prefect duties in the main building where we let kids in just to chase after them threatning them with detention and the laughs that we shared were some of the most memorable moments of my secondary school life.

To top off the events from St. Georges, such as end of year trips to Adventure Island...Epic times by the way....I would just like to thank a few people that made St. Georges, the best Secondary school I could have asked for. Abs, my bff, although we haven't really spoken or gotten together since the end of year 11, you were the best friend I could have asked for. Fun times, laughs and unforgettable moments will always stay in my mind no matter what and I promise after exams, we will catch up and have more epic times to remember.
Sam, you were the only one who shared the same want for the thrill factor as me, the only one who wanted to test out the biggest and best rides at Adventure Island but we managed to persade the others so all was well in the end. Benji, Lol well what can I say about you.....dead arms went a totally different level? I love the fact that you always thought you weere right when actually you really weren't but we let you off anyway cause we could barely understand a word you were saying haha! Oh and who else but Laurence, the person I have known for pretty much the majority of my life so I don't think it can be summed up in a couple of sentences but i'll give it a try. Although you always thought you were better at everything, deep down I know that this isn't really what you thought, I know that you did actually believe I was a decent cricket player way back in years 3-6. I can take the criticism as I know, well hope, that you didn't mean all of it :)

So that sums up Secondary school. Chatham House and Year 12 wasn't really that much fun for me, at one point I was debating leaving as I really thought things couldn't get much worse but then I met Kirby and she showed me that things weren't so bad after all....Thank you.

Year 13 however, has been the best year of my life!!!!! No Lie..... I have made some pretty awsome friends that actually like me for who I am not who society saids I should be!! ANNA, ALISON, CHARLOTTE, GRACE, JOE, NICOLA, ELODIE, LIZZY, KATRINA, OLIVIA, RUTH I love you all and I could never ask for better friends and I know that whatever life brings me, If I manage to get into the police force or not, you guys will be there for me, I hope so anyway otherwise this would have been for nothing ;)

Some of the memories that I have made from year 13 are undeniably some of the best anyone can ask for...Waka Waka at the end of year 12 just begins the list of things that I can go into. Singing in the rain, 5 Years time, Sherbert pips, the world, dip dip, downhill pursuit, big guns, air vents, water fight, hot tub, beach with the unbreakable bottle....I could go on and on and on and on and on but knowing me I will end up spelling something wrong so I shall bring it to an end here I think.........

Just want to say one last thing....thank you all for being there and I can safely say that without you, my life would have been and would always be ridiculously boring so thank you for making it worthwhile and absolutely fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Denial

I think I have finally accepted the fact that I am emotionally immature. I always had an incline that I was but never wanted to admitt it. I do not think though, that this is always a bad thing but when you are trying to convince your parents that you are mature enough to start living your life, it can become a bit of a problem. Luckily today, when this occoured to me, I managed to hide away so no one actually found out....phew!!!

You may want to know how and this event occoured and I would love to share all but I do not think I am ready to share all information and its not really my place to say anyway. All I will say is that it has to do with family situation. What gets to me is that I want to stay strong for my family and be there when they need a helping hand or a reassuring thumb!

So from now on a change of mood is necerssairy, I need to talk control of my emotions and not let everything get me down. I need to realise that I can be sad but that does not technically mean I have to cry. I think this is possible but it will take time and a lot of effort. I have to remember to staty strong otherwise all will not be ok

OK i know this was another misrable post but next time I promise it will be nice and cheery